Mar 26, 2009

I need something new

Did you ever reach a point in your life where you just need something new or different? This so-called need has been nagging me for weeks. I can't figure out what it is that I think I "need."

I thought painting the living room would make my house brighter and cleaner, so I would feel better... No go. And not only did it not make me feel better, I actually feel guilty for not completing the job. Because in typical sidetracked/perfectionism fashion, I told myself I had to do all of it... the whole house. Not. Gonna. Happen.

Cleaning the house is no longer fulfilling. It doesn't take up enough time to be considered a "J-O-B" and I find it interminably boring these days. Just yet another thing that has to be done.

I am not finding any joy in any of my crafts. I don't want to crochet, or cross-stitch, or tat, or sew. I don't want to cook. Or keep up with anything, really. I don't make phone calls. I have friends, but most of them work during the day or are too far away to see on a regular basis. This soul can only handle so much solitude, and I think I've had enough. Maybe I should find a real J-O-B.

I can't think what I'd like to do though. The thought of going back to waitressing does not appeal. But I really don't have many other skills. What I really need is a project. Something I can get paid for. Like opening a restaurant. Or organizing someone else's home. Or just helping someone. Although getting paid to help someone would be better. Or maybe I just need a new hobby. Or maybe I'll just get lost in a video game for a while.

Geez I'm depressed.... Notice how I didn't say anything about going shopping? Got nooooooooo money. Shopping is out. I do however have a nice wishlist going. Not quite as fulfilling as shopping. You know, kinda like how men like to hunt? I like to find bargains. I love thrift stores, craft stores, Goodwill, Salvation army. There's nothing better than coming home with my van packed full of stuff that I paid very little for. But even "very little" is more than I can afford right now. Besides, shopping alone isn't near as much fun as shopping and lunching with a friend.

I think I'm fighting off a serious depression here. I don't know what to do. I don't feel like myself, I don't feel like ANYTHING. Just Blah... for like 2 weeks now. I'm tired of it. How do I get past this?

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